1. Promptly refrigerate any unused portion in separate container.
2. Spread the fun!
3. Trusted for over 80 years.
4. Once opened, use within 7 days.
5. Entering the ear canal could cause injury.
6. If unit fails to operate, rinse push button in warm water.
7. Sterility guaranteed unless individual wrapper is opened or damaged.
a. Trojan condoms
b. Oscar Mayer Bologna
c. Right Guard
e. Campbell’s Pork and Beans
f. Skippy Peanut Butter
g. Band-Aid brand adhesive bandages
(Answers on back cover page)
(This originally appeared at McSweeney’s.)